Why change is hard, and how to transform

I have been struggling with certain habits for years. All I wanted was to change, just to discover why I was unable to.

One of the challenging areas of my life has been my body image, weight, and fitness level.

Years ago, I started working out and pushing myself by working out 5–6 days a week.

I have had some wonderful results. Every winter, I would gain the weight back and then start again every spring.

For years, I thought, I have tried everything and yet, it’s not working. I have been working out, eating Paleo, counting my calories, doing intermittent fasting and yet not getting to my ideal weight.

This was my belief about my situation, thinking that I have already done everything and I should accept my fate.

Have you ever felt desperate to change, or maybe felt really motivated to make a change in your life? Just to find yourself back in your old habit within a couple of weeks and wondering why?

I discovered the power of transformation recently that allowed me to understand why I was not changing and what I can do about it.

What is change?

According to Cambridge Dictionary, change has many meanings. The one that resonates with me the most is:

“to make or become different”

To me, change is to “become different” or to do something differently. I have been trying to change so many things, either in my personal or professional life. I succeeded in some areas and failed in others.

Some might see change as

• Having a different clothing style
• Have a different haircut
• Change the place where you live
• Change your job
• Change your relationship
• Change your car
• Change your diet
• Change your exercise
• Change your circle

This could be wonderful in the beginning and based on the change that you have made, it might take some time and in some cases, you might fall back to the older version of yourself.

Why was I not changing?

I was trying to change a part of me without going deeper to understand why I am this person in the first place.

My focus was on why change was so important and what I needed to change.

My beliefs, mindset and values were the old version of me that was being this way. This old me was attempting to create a new possibility with the old mindset, which is almost impossible to achieve.

My beliefs affected my actions, and that made me who I was without consciously knowing it.

Blind spots, limiting beliefs & change

Our biggest blind spots are the areas of our personality, beliefs, and ideas that we are not aware of. These blind spots are impacting our beliefs, actions and how we live.

These blind spots could be the results of my experiences and the meanings I gave to them, and somehow I forgot about them.

For example, having an emotional breakdown in my childhood made me decide about a situation just to limit myself in the future. These blind spots created limiting beliefs.

Deep down, I did not see myself as a healthy and fit person. I was allowing my past to affect my present and the future.

You might wonder what those limiting beliefs are? Usually, I am not really aware of them and need the help of others (coaches) to discover them.

It’s only when I discover & transform those limiting beliefs, ideas, concepts that I can create an everlasting change.

Discovering new possibilities

I was taking part in a seminar, and they asked us, “What area of your life is not fulfilling?”

The first thing that came to me was my body and fitness, but deep down I heard a voice saying, don’t try it, you’ll fail anyway. You have been trying this for years. I thought, let me try this again.

One of the assignments was “Look at that area and observe your promises and how do you react when you break them.”

I noticed that I was talking awfully to myself whenever I said I will work out and yet not do it. It seemed that I was more disappointed in myself than taking any actions.

My words, my promises, and actions

I don’t do the things I say I will do in the areas that I am not fulfilled. I made a promise to keep my word this time and work out 4 times a week.

The first week I worked out 3 days, the second week only 2 days. Then it went to 3 again, and then 4. It was hard because I had not been working out for years and everything felt so heavy.

I broke my promises and I felt really awful about it. I noticed that I was talking badly to myself for not keeping my promises and giving it a massive meaning.

Giving new meanings to events in my life

Being harsh to myself was not helping in any way.

I had not been working out for 4 years and of course I was tired and sore. Yet, I was expecting myself to nail it and work out every day.

I noticed that I have a different mindset and expectations in areas that I do well: I believe in myself, I keep trying and find new ways to make it possible. If I break a promise, I keep trying and don’t take it that seriously.

Somehow I forgot that this should also be the model of areas that I don’t do well.

I realised that I can try again and again until I make this part of the new me.

This allowed me to continue on this new possibility and make promises. It’s OK if I break them, I can make a new one and stick to it without blaming myself.

I just came to the conclusion that I was giving lots of meaning to promises that I was breaking.

There is no lasting change without transformation

It’s not the actions that we need to focus on. Nor how to achieve something, but rather creating a new possibility on a deeper level.

This new possibility will automatically result in the right actions.

Once we create a new possibility, we can discover the blind spots/limiting beliefs that are keeping us from getting what we want.

Acknowledging those blind spots is then the first step towards freedom and choice.

It’s about transforming something within you.

It’s like riding a bicycle: once you know how to ride it, you’ll never unlearn it. Transformation is similar to that.

Once you’re transformed, you won’t fall back into the old you.

To me, it’s all connected to me as a being. If I want to exercise and have a healthy body, I must see myself as a healthy being that will take the right actions.

The reason change won’t last is because I have not discovered my blind spots/limiting beliefs that are causing this current state. Once I know them, I can transform them.

Final thoughts

There is a difference between change and transformation. Most of us would like to change, but what we truly want is to transform.

Transformation could be hard, uncomfortable, and exhausting. It’s like you lose a piece of you to make space for the new you.

The best way to transform is to allow others to coach you. Allow yourself to make new discoveries and create new possibilities. Let go of your past and start acting in the present.

I really hope that you enjoyed this article. I’m excited to know about your thoughts.

What is one area that you would like to transform?

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